【精品】英語小笑話
英語小笑話1
What are the Two Words?
A very nice old lady had a few words to say to her granddaughter. My dear, said the old lady, I wish you would do something for me. I wish you would promise me never to use two words. One is ‘lousy’ and the other is ‘swell’. Would you promise me that?
Why, sure, Granny, said the girl. What are the two words?
是哪兩個詞？
一個非常和藹的.老夫人有幾句話要對她的孫女說。我親愛的，老夫人說，我希望你能幫我一個忙。我要你答應永遠不要用兩個詞，一個是“討厭的”，另一個是“極好的”。你能答應我嗎？
噢，當然，奶奶。女孩說：是哪兩個詞？
英語小笑話2
Two Birds 兩只鳥
Teacher: Here are two birds, one is a swallow, the other is sparrow. Now who can tell us which is which?
Student: I cannot point out but I know the answer.
Teacher: Please tell us.
Student: The swallow is beside the sparrow and the sparrow is beside the swallow.
老師： 這兒有兩只鳥，一只是麻雀。誰能指出哪只是燕子，哪只是麻雀嗎?
學生：我指不出，但我知道答案。
老師：請說說看。
學生：燕子旁邊的就是麻雀，麻雀旁邊的就是燕子。
經典英語小笑話：這有多嬌生慣養啊
The six-year-old John was terribly spoiled(被寵壞的) . His father knew it, but his grandma doted on him. He hardly left her side. And when he wanted anything, he either cried or threw a temper tantrum(亂發脾氣) . Then came his first day of school, his first day away from his grandmother's loving arms.
When he came home from school his grandma met him at the door.
Was school all right? she asked, Did you get along all right? did you cry?
Cry? John asked. No, I didn't cry, but the teacher did!
六歲的約翰嬌生慣養。他的父親知道這一點，可他的'祖父母仍然寵著他。這孩子幾乎寸步不離他的祖母。他想要什么不是哭，就是鬧。他第一天上學才離開祖母的懷抱。
約翰放學了，他奶奶在門口接他并問道：學校怎么樣?你過的好嗎?哭了沒有?
哭?約翰問，不，我沒哭，可老師哭了。
英語小笑話3
1：Animals go to Heaven
A cat and a mouse died on the same day and went up to Heaven. At the top they met God and he asked them 'How do you like it so far?' The mouse replied 'It's great, but can I get a pair of roller skates?' God said 'Sure', and he gave him a pair of roller skates. The next day God saw the cat and asked him 'How do you like it up here so far?' and the cat replied 'Great, I didn't know you had meals on wheels up here!'
2：What is God's name?
A Christian man had just died and was on his way to heaven. When he got to the gates of heaven he met an angel. The angel asked him what God's name was.
'Oh that's easy,' the man replied, 'His name is Andy.'
'What make you think his name is Andy?' the angel asked incredulously.
'Well, you see at Church we used to sing this song 'Andy walks with me, Andy talks with me.'
3：Question and answer
Q: Why do they say 'Amen' at the end of a prayer instead of 'Awomen'?
A: The same reason they sing Hymns instead of Hers!
Q: Why didn't Noah go fishing?
A: He only had two worms!
Q: When was the longest day in the Bible?
A: The day Adam was created because there was no Eve.
Q: Why did God create manbefore woman?
A: He didn't want any advice.
Q: What do you call a sleepwalking nun?
A: A roamin' Catholic!
Doctor: 'Your recovery was a miracle!'
Patient: 'PRAISE GOD. Now I don't have to pay you!'
Q: Why did Moses wander in the desert for 40 years?
A: Even then men wouldn't ask for directions!
英語小笑話4
At the police department, the phone rang. “Hallo, hallo!”
the policeman answered. “I’ve lost my cat!”
And the policeman said, “I’m sorry, sir,
that’s not the job of the police. We’re too busy!”
The person said, “But you don’t understand. This is a very
intelligent cat! He’s almost human; he can practically talk!”
So the policeman said, “Then you’d better hang up.
He might be trying to call you!”
警察局的電話響了，警察接起電話說：「喂!喂!」
「我的.貓不見了!」警察說：「先生，很抱歉!
這不是警察的職責，我們太忙了!」
對方說：「但是你不了解，這是一只很聰明的貓，
他幾乎像人一樣可以說話!」于是警察說道：
「那你最好掛斷電話，他可能正試著打電話給你!」
英語小笑話5
laugh line
laugh是什么意思：
v. 笑；嘲笑；使笑得；以笑表示
n. 笑；笑聲；引人發笑的事或人
an exaggerated laugh
矯揉造作的'笑聲 It is no laughing matter.
這沒有什么可笑的。 He who laughs last laughs best.
最后笑的人才笑得最開心。 He who laughs last laughs best.
誰笑到最后才笑得最好。Laugh and the world laughs with you, wrap and you weep alone.
笑時萬眾附和，哭時獨自垂淚（世態炎涼）。line是什么意思：
n. 線條，界線，路線；條紋；排；鐵路線；生產線；臺詞；態度；防線；前線
v. 用線標出，劃線于；使布滿紋絡；加襯里于；排隊，排列成行
This is a lined trunk.
這是一個有襯里的箱子。 They are politically in line.
他們在政治上意見一致。On a map there are horizontal lines and vertical lines.
在地圖上有水平的線和垂直的線。To inscribe(a line or lines)with a pencil or other marking implement.
畫用鉛筆或其它做標記的器具刻線The new proposal is in line with our general line.
英語小笑話6
A man goes to church and starts talking to God.
一男子進入教堂和上帝對話。
He says: "God,what is a million dollars to you?"and God says: "A penny,then the man says: "God,what is a million years to you?”and God says: ¨a second", then the man says: “God,can I have a penny ?"and God says:"In a second."
他問：“主啊，一百萬美元對你意味著多少?”上帝回答：¨一便士。” 男子又問：“那一百萬年呢，?”上帝說：“一秒鐘。”最后男子請求道：”上帝，我能得到一便士嗎?“上帝回答：“過一秒鐘。”
英語小笑話7
1.what's the longest word in the world?世界上最長的`單詞是什么?
答：smiles. because there's a mile between the letter 's'.微笑。因為兩個字母s中間隔了一里。
2.what question is that to which you must always answer "yes"? 什么問題你只能回答“yes”?
答："what does y-e-s spell?" (當別人問你)“yes”怎么拼?
3.where were you when the power was cut off? 當停電的時候你在哪?
答：in the darkness. 在黑暗中
4.what question can never be answered by “yes”? (哪個問題永遠不能回答“是的”?)
答：are you asleep? (你睡著了嗎)
5.what tree is always very sad? (那種樹總是很傷心?)
答：weeping willow. (垂柳 weep哭泣 willow柳樹)
6.why are people tired on April fool's day? (愚人節人們為什么疲倦?)
答：because they have just had a long march. ( 因為他們剛過了長長的三月。march 三月;行軍)
7.what weather do mice and rats fear? (老鼠害怕什么天氣?)
答：when it's raining cats and dogs.(下大雨。rain cats and dogs 下大雨 )
8.when do dogs refuse to follow their masters? (狗什么時候不愿跟隨主人?
答：when their masters go to the flea market.(主人去跳蚤市場時。flea 跳蚤 flea market 舊貨市場 )
9.when can you get water with a net? (什么時候可以用網兜裝水?)
答：when water is turned into ice. (當水結成冰時)
10.why is the pig always eating?豬為什么沒完沒了地吃?
答：he's making a hog of himself.它想成為一只肉豬。
英語小笑話8
erry went to a psychiatrist. "Doc," he said, "I've got trouble. Every time I get into bed, I think there's somebody under it. I'm going crazy!" Just put yourself in my hands for one year," said the shrink. "Come to me three times a week, and I'll cure your fears." How much do you charge?" A hundred dollars per visit." I'll sleep on it," said Jerry. Six months later the doctor met Jerry on the street. "Why didn't you ever come to see me again?" asked the psychiatrist. For a hundred bucks a visit? The bartender cured me for $10." "Is that so! How?" He told me to cut the legs off the bed!" Ain't nobody under there now!!!
杰瑞去看精神病醫生。“醫生，我有些不對勁。每次睡覺的.時候，我都感覺有人在床下。我要瘋了!”“給我一年時間，”醫生說，“每周來三次，我會治好你。”“費用是多少呢?”“每次一百美元。”“我會認真考慮的。”杰瑞答道。六個月后醫生和杰瑞在街上相遇了，“為什么你再也沒來呢?”醫生問。“一次一百塊錢嗎?有個酒吧服務生收了十塊錢就把我治好了。”“真的?他怎么做到的?”“他讓我把床腿鋸掉。現在那沒人了!”
英語小笑話9
Hello everyone!My name is ~~.Now,I am 12 years old. I am from ~~.I am a student in NO.1middle school .I like football with my sister after school .I am good at drawing.And i am likelearning English.Ican speak very well!
Do you want to make friend with me ?
譯文
大家好!我的名字是~ ~.現在,我12歲了.我來自~ ~.我就讀于第一中學.我喜歡踢足球和我姐姐在放學后.我擅長于畫畫.我喜歡學習英語. 我能講英語講得很好!
你想和我交朋友吧?
英語小笑話10
余音
About to be shipped out on a long tour of duty over-seas，I had called my wife from a coin-operated telephone at an Army camp on the West Coast. As I walked away，the phone rang，and I answered it，expecting to be told of extra charges. "I thought you'd like to know,"the operator said,"that just after you hung up，the woman said,'I love you. "
即將因工作遠征出海，我就在西海岸軍營地用一個投幣電話給我的妻子撥了個電話。我剛要離開，電話鈴響了。我估計是讓我交超時費，所以只好去接。接話員說:“我想你可能想知道，你剛掛斷電話，那個女的就說‘我愛你’。”
英語小笑話11
who was the first man? 誰是世界上第一個男人
a teacher said to her class:”who was the first man?”
一個老師問她的`學生：“誰是世界上第一個男人”
“george washington,” a little boy shouted promptly.
一個小男孩立刻大聲說：“喬治.華盛頓。”
“how do you make out that george washington was the first man?”asked the teacher，smiling indulgently.
老師帶著寵溺的笑容問這個男生：“你如何證明喬治華盛頓是世界上第一個男人呢。”
“because,” said the little boy, “he was first in war, first in peace, and first in the hearts of his countrymen.”
這個男孩子說：“因為，他是第一個挑起戰爭，第一個主張和平，并且是第一個深得民心的人。”
英語小笑話12
The six-year-old John was terribly spoiled. His father knew it, but his grandma doted on（溺愛，寵愛） him. He hardly left her side. And when he wanted anything, he either cried or threw a temper tantrum（亂發脾氣） . Then came his first day of school, his first day away from his grandmother's loving arms.When he came home from school his grandma met him at the door. "Was school all right?" she asked, "Did you get along all right? Did you cry?""Cry?" John asked. "No, I didn't cry, but the teacher did!"
六歲的約翰嬌生慣養。他的`父親知道這一點，可他的祖父母仍然寵著他。這孩子幾乎寸步不離他的祖母。他想要什么不是哭，就是鬧。他第一天上學才離開祖母的懷抱。約翰放學了，他奶奶在門口接他并問道：“學校怎么樣？你過的好嗎？哭了沒有？”“哭？”約翰問，“不，我沒哭，可老師哭了。”
英語小笑話13
Teacher: Tom, why are you late for school every day?
Tom: Every time I come to the corner,a sign says,"School-Go Slow" .
老師：湯姆，你為什么每天上學遲到？
湯姆：我每次路過拐角，一個路標上面寫著：“學校——慢行”。
英語小笑話14
Peter joined the army when he was eighteen, and for several months he was taught how to be a good soldier. He did quite well in everything except shooting. One day he and his friends were practicing their shooting, and all of them were doing quite well except Peter. After he had shot at the target nine times and had not hit it once,the officer who was trying to teach the young soldiers to shoot said, You're quite hopeless, Peter! Don't waste your last bullet too! Go behind that wall and shoot yourself with it!
彼得十八歲那年參了軍，他需要參加幾個月的學習以成為一名好士兵。彼得在其他方面都做得很好，但是射擊不行。一天他和伙伴們練習射擊，除了彼得其他人都沒有問題。他射了九次，一次也沒有命中目標。這時，教新兵射擊的教官說：彼得，你看來是沒希望了，不要連最后一發子彈都浪費掉！去那堵墻后面用它向自己打一槍吧。
Peter felt ashamed. He went behind the wall, and a few seconds later the officer and the other young soldiers heard the sound of a shot.
彼得感到非常慚愧。他走到那堵墻后面。幾分鐘后，教官和新兵們聽到一聲槍響。
Heavens! The officer said. Has that silly man really shot himself?
上帝！教官叫起來，難道那個笨蛋真的`朝自己開槍了？
He ran behind the wall anxiously, but Peter was all right. I'm sorry, sir, he said, but I missed again.
他急忙跑到那堵墻后面，發現彼得安然無恙。對不起，長官，他說，我還是沒有命中。
英語小笑話15
How to Become Rich 如何致富
Little brother: I saw you kiss my elder sister, and if you don't give me a nickel I'll tell my father.Sister's boyfriend: No, don't do that. Here's a nickel.Little brother: That makes a buck and a quarter I've made this month.
弟弟：我看見你親我姐姐了，如果你不給我五分錢，我就告訴我爸。姐姐的男朋友：不要那樣做。給你五分錢。弟弟：我這個月已經賺了一塊兩毛五了。
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